Very Dental: Getting Out of Your Own Way with Dr. Martin Mendelson

[00:00:01] This is a production of the Very Dental Podcast Network. This is the Very Dental Podcast.

[00:00:17] Welcome to the Very Dental Podcast, where you'll find entertaining and relevant conversations with visionaries, clinicians, and your friends in the dental space. Now, here's your host, Dr. Alan Mead.

[00:00:29] Very Dental people, welcome to another episode of the Very Dental Podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Alan Mead. Joining me as a co-host today, a guy who's been on a few times, Dr. Martin Mendelson. Martin, how you doing?

[00:00:40] I am fantastic. I'm glad to be back. Thank you for having me.

[00:00:44] So, Martin is someone that I first met, I think we probably first met the first time that I went to Spear a hundred years ago, or maybe more like six or seven years ago, where Jason and I were still doing the dental hacks. And I think you were sort of one of the people. I know you sat down with us in the little recording session, so we recorded the first time a long time ago.

[00:01:06] Yeah.

[00:01:06] And then more recently, we've had you on to talk about certain articles you'd written and stuff like that. So, Martin, what is going on with you lately? What's been happening since the last time I talked with you?

[00:01:18] Oh, my gosh. So, so many things, so many things. I'm following my passions is, I think, the best way to put it. So, when we initially talked, the whole idea around that first conversation was leadership, communication, study club, engagement, etc.

[00:01:36] It's kind of ironic because those core ideas and concepts are ubiquitous throughout my career, even to where I am today. So, where I am today is if you were to meet me in an airport, by the way, I met a major league baseball player this way, and you asked me what it is I do for a living, I would say to you, no joke, I get people out of their way on stages with their teams and one-on-one.

[00:02:01] So, what I spend my time on these days is keynote lectures, both corporate study club and association, like I'm going to be at Chicago Midwinter this year, this coming year. And I work with teams and their practices, and I also do one-on-one coaching with dentists, entrepreneurs, executives, real estate agents, mortgage brokers, the list goes on and on and on.

[00:02:26] Interesting. I got a question for you about that. So, you do a lot of coaching. You coach, and we're going to talk about the ways that you coach. But I'm curious, if someone who's skeptical of coaching, if someone says, look, I don't know that I see the value in this sort of thing, what's your pitch for working with a coach of some sort?

[00:02:44] The first thing I always say is, if you're not ready, don't do it. If you have concerns that are so ingrained that you think this quote stuff doesn't work, then don't.

[00:03:00] Because what a great coach does is one primary thing, which is to help you reframe your thoughts, to consider alternatives, to get out of your own way, and then help you figure out the steps to move forward.

[00:03:18] What I often say in my keynotes is, the thoughts between your ears will forever and always come before anything that comes out between your lips, happens between your fingers, happens with your feet, and yeah, ultimately what ends up in your bank account.

[00:03:32] So, if you're so ingrained that this stuff is fluff, which by the way, go try to find a CEO of a major company that doesn't have a coach, but that's another topic.

[00:03:43] If you're so ingrained that you believe this isn't going to work, then guess what? It's not.

[00:03:47] So, you need to be open-minded to it, just like so many other things in life.

[00:03:52] What was your experience with coaching? How did you, in other words, how did you get turned on to the idea of having and using a coach? I'm assuming you've probably worked with coaches before.

[00:04:00] Oh, 100%. I still do to this day. And they're of different types that I work with currently.

[00:04:07] But it was back in 2015 when I first met Justin Patton, who's become a dear friend. He was my first coach, best-selling author. He's a great guy.

[00:04:19] Because I really needed to figure out where I was going in life. I had just become sober. I was trying to figure out who Martin really was.

[00:04:28] And so, I was in therapy at the time as well, but I was also just trying to figure out where I was going.

[00:04:34] And what it ended up coming out of those first sessions was I was right where I needed to be. I was at Spear. I was doing great work.

[00:04:43] That then led into the master's program, working with specialists.

[00:04:46] And it was a wonderful, wonderful next whatever, six, seven years from that point.

[00:04:52] But he helped me get out of my own way relative to certain thoughts I was having about who Martin was, what value he brought to Spear, what value he brought to the profession, etc.

[00:05:03] Interesting. Interesting.

[00:05:04] So, people that are interested in coaching, you do this kind of work.

[00:05:10] But also, you've got a lot of different ways that people can engage with you.

[00:05:14] So, I mean, I know that you've been speaking a lot lately.

[00:05:17] Yeah.

[00:05:17] And you've moved into a keynote sort of thing.

[00:05:20] Are you keynoting a lot of dental meetings or is it not necessarily dental meetings?

[00:05:24] It's all the above.

[00:05:25] I've done – I did and will do again the American Association of Endodontists.

[00:05:30] I've done California Dental Association half a dozen times.

[00:05:33] I'm doing Chicago.

[00:05:34] I'm going to be on the Seattle Study Club Speaker Bureau as of January.

[00:05:38] I'm even speaking at their symposium.

[00:05:41] I'm doing the American College of Pros.

[00:05:42] And there's others.

[00:05:44] But then, of course, there's the North American sales meeting for Ivoclar, where I got up there and talked about the science of optimism using my certification in happiness studies, which, by the way, is now a certified master's.

[00:05:58] Not greatly about that at all.

[00:06:01] And a subsidiary of UnitedHealthcare with the same topic.

[00:06:06] How do you use the science of optimism to drive corporate strategic growth goals?

[00:06:11] Interesting.

[00:06:11] Okay.

[00:06:11] So you're doing the speaking, but I guess something that we need to get to, you have just not that long ago released a course.

[00:06:20] So I have to tell you, I feel like someone who might be like, I'm not sure that coaching is for me or I want to see what this stuff is.

[00:06:29] Maybe the way to do this is sort of a baby step, getting into a course to see what Martin's about.

[00:06:35] So talk about the course that you just released.

[00:06:38] Yeah.

[00:06:38] No, thank you for mentioning that.

[00:06:40] You know, it's kind of ironic.

[00:06:40] We didn't even talk about how to describe it in that way that you just did, but you just encapsulated the reasons why I created this course.

[00:06:49] Okay.

[00:06:50] I mean, I kind of, I mean, I got a chance to look at it a bit and I kind of figured that this is like, cause I got, I know that there's a lot of people that look at coaching as like, really?

[00:07:00] You know, like I, these are people who, and you know, the people that are listening to this, this podcast, they are, you know, they're high achievers.

[00:07:07] They did well in school.

[00:07:08] They, they have businesses.

[00:07:09] They, you know, they do well.

[00:07:10] So on some level there, I think coaching is sort of a, some of them, it's not, it doesn't come naturally maybe to think, okay, I need to do this.

[00:07:19] So I'm wondering if this would be like an introduction to it.

[00:07:22] It is.

[00:07:23] In fact, I want everybody to hear me clearly.

[00:07:26] Lesson number one of my course is, and will forever be open to you with no cost or obligation, because I want to be able to help you understand what some of my core philosophies are, as well as to give you some very tactile and deployable tools.

[00:07:47] And to help you understand what the rest of the course is, because, you know, I called it leadership mastery from overwhelmed to optimal performance.

[00:07:55] And so this is about leading your business.

[00:07:58] This is about dealing with the overwhelm of today's reality, how much time I have understanding the importance of, you know, time versus importance, i.e. urgency versus how many hours do I have in the damn day?

[00:08:17] How to use your to-do list versus your calendar effectively?

[00:08:22] How to delegate effectively?

[00:08:24] How to navigate through your day effectively?

[00:08:27] And then, of course, how to handle difficult conversations, which is one of the things people come to me most often for, how to handle emotionally charged conversations in a professional, ordered, and successful way, which can be done, which many people can't see the forest from the trees when you're stuck in that emotional place.

[00:08:47] Okay.

[00:08:48] So, and I kind of looked at the outline of the course.

[00:08:50] And so I sort of built a little, I built some, a way to dive in a little bit deeper here.

[00:08:55] Yeah.

[00:08:55] So I got, I got, so for one thing, concept of limiting beliefs.

[00:09:01] What's really funny is I have, I know that I have limiting beliefs.

[00:09:06] And what's a really weird thing about me is I've kind of come to accept some of them.

[00:09:10] And I'm just like, I'm cool with that.

[00:09:12] But how do you address the concept?

[00:09:14] One thing is that, like realizing that you have beliefs that are limiting what you can do is like a huge step.

[00:09:21] And a lot of people don't, don't see that.

[00:09:23] But so how do you address understanding what a limiting belief is and what, how can we change that kind of stuff?

[00:09:29] Yeah.

[00:09:30] A limiting belief at its core is not an immutable concept.

[00:09:35] In other words, it ain't gravity.

[00:09:37] It ain't the fact that the sky's blue.

[00:09:39] Those, those are facts.

[00:09:42] And so if you sit there and you say to yourself, I'm too inexperienced for this, too old for that, too this, too that.

[00:09:52] The, the kryptonite question to that, particularly in, within your own head is the following.

[00:09:58] How true is that?

[00:09:59] And if you answer the question honestly, which you'll often come up with is, oh, not very, or not necessarily.

[00:10:07] And so one of the feeders, in my humble opinion, of limiting beliefs is actually social media.

[00:10:15] Social media is a wonderful thing, but it's, but it's also a huge curse.

[00:10:23] Because nobody puts up, most people, I'll actually, let me rephrase.

[00:10:27] Most people don't put up anything other than their highlight reel.

[00:10:30] Real.

[00:10:31] You don't see them crying themselves to sleep at night or for some, you know, drinking to excess, eating to excess, exercising to excess.

[00:10:40] You don't see that stuff.

[00:10:41] You just see the highlight reel.

[00:10:43] So a limiting belief is a thought that you keep telling yourself that then guides your actions.

[00:10:49] And it goes to my core concept, which is an acronym of the word team.

[00:10:54] Which stands for thoughts, drive our emotions, creating our actions that manifest our results.

[00:11:01] And so I know we're going to talk about this as well.

[00:11:04] I just finished the first draft of my first book.

[00:11:06] And four out of the 10 chapters are addressing each one of those letters of the word team.

[00:11:14] So it's the stuff that goes on between your ears that basically limits you.

[00:11:18] Because a lot of people have said jokingly, and it's true, you know, pick somebody you admire.

[00:11:26] It doesn't matter who it is, listeners.

[00:11:28] Pick anybody that's very successful in your opinion.

[00:11:32] They have the same darn 24 hours in the day that you do.

[00:11:35] The difference is how they use them.

[00:11:38] It's literally that simple.

[00:11:41] It's not that easy, but it's literally that simple.

[00:11:44] I'm going to throw an interesting dental belief that I may have run into in the past, but a lot of people.

[00:11:53] Okay.

[00:11:53] So there's two different beliefs.

[00:11:55] Like, and social media would have you believe this too, where you've got someone who's like the decathlon dentist.

[00:12:02] Who could do everything.

[00:12:04] Who's really great at everything.

[00:12:05] And maybe this is someone who's rural, doesn't have a lot of people to refer to or whatever.

[00:12:09] But like, okay, so you see that and you're like, man, I should be able to do all this stuff.

[00:12:13] Let's just say you try again and again with endo.

[00:12:17] And somehow endo and you just don't click as a dentist.

[00:12:20] Which in your head, you're like, I need to be doing this.

[00:12:24] And a lot of times people can't let go of the concept that maybe that's not for me or I don't really enjoy that.

[00:12:30] And I don't really, it's not, it doesn't, you know, there's like this belief that, oh, but you have to do that stuff.

[00:12:36] To be, you know, to be the fulfilled dentist, to be, you have to be doing this.

[00:12:40] And of course, endo isn't clearly, you know, surgery or whatever.

[00:12:44] One of those things.

[00:12:45] I feel like there's a lot of dentists who continue to do stuff that they don't love doing because they feel like they have to.

[00:12:52] And that's sort of, that's maybe an example of a kind of limiting belief.

[00:12:57] It's, it's, I'm curious if you have thoughts about that.

[00:13:00] Oh, it's absolutely a limiting belief because you could very simply deploy that question I just shared a couple minutes ago.

[00:13:06] How true is that?

[00:13:08] There, there's plenty of docs that don't do endo to use your example that are incredibly successful, that are incredibly content, that are incredibly busy.

[00:13:17] And so part, part of that example that you just gave also then leans into engaging people that are very wise in business, i.e. consultants, et cetera, whatever words or label you want to give to them.

[00:13:34] Because what I've seen over the years with dentists as well is, you know, with all due respect to us, we don't see the forest from the trees.

[00:13:42] And so what we do is we look at, let's say the fee for molar endo, but we don't look at how long it takes us to do it.

[00:13:49] And then therefore we realize that the production per hour is actually less than routine restorative, just, you know, depending on where you are.

[00:13:59] And, and when you start to look at it that way, things start to change.

[00:14:05] So part of debunking a limiting belief is twofold, allowing yourself to consider that it may not be true.

[00:14:15] Number one, number two, engaging other authorities in that area, people that you respect and trust to help you actually navigate through your thought process to best understand if what you're actually thinking about is a reality or a true limiting belief.

[00:14:36] Somebody like a coach, irony of ironies.

[00:14:39] But in this example, it wouldn't be a coach.

[00:14:41] It would actually be a consultant.

[00:14:43] Okay.

[00:14:43] I just came up with a really good analogy and you'll probably appreciate this in some way.

[00:14:47] So one of the, one of the reasons that, um, I mean, I've been engaged with 12 step groups for a long time.

[00:14:53] One of the reasons that 12 step groups, they talk a lot about sponsorship and you work with, you work with a sponsor.

[00:14:59] You find someone who kind of, who's, who's gone before you has done, has gone through this stuff before.

[00:15:05] But what, what I always thought was interesting about that.

[00:15:06] And even, and even, even just working with a peer group that's, that's supportive and understands you is the fact that like someone else's perspective is really important.

[00:15:16] In other words, typically you're looking at whatever you're, whatever you're focusing on, you're focusing really tight.

[00:15:23] You've got blinders on, you've got, you know, you can only see, and you've probably ruminated on the problem.

[00:15:28] It's gone around and around.

[00:15:29] And the whole concept of having a sponsor or someone in a group that you trust, or in your case, maybe a coach of some sort is that they're not in those blinders.

[00:15:38] They can have the same conversation about this, but they're not seeing it the way that you are because you have kind of gotten in focused in tight on it.

[00:15:46] And, and the reality is that a lot of times that's enough to break you out of those, that like kind of rumination viewpoint.

[00:15:53] Like just having someone like, look, you're, you're, I'm seeing this differently than you are.

[00:15:57] How, what do you think about this?

[00:15:58] That's a bit, like, I will say that in 12 step groups, that's a huge, huge way to grow and get better and do, but, but I mean, like this is sort of in, you know, in business.

[00:16:08] They're in life or whatever.

[00:16:09] This is sort of an interesting thing.

[00:16:10] Having someone with a perspective that's different than yours, that's taking the time to look at what you're looking at.

[00:16:15] It's very interesting.

[00:16:17] So I couldn't agree with you more.

[00:16:19] And I do think that that's one of the benefits of having a fellow dentist as a coach is my dear friend, Kyle Stanley always says, nobody understands a dentist like another dentist.

[00:16:29] And so I've lost count of the number of really transformative conversations I've had with colleagues about this kind of thing.

[00:16:36] Let me just give you one example, because I'm, I'm proud of my client for where he's come with this.

[00:16:43] So he's been in practice over 20 years.

[00:16:46] I know from specialist friends, he's, he's got the goods.

[00:16:50] He's got great hands.

[00:16:51] He's, he's very well liked in the community.

[00:16:53] And we were, we were talking through some stuff and he was sharing with me that he would get anxious and have a lot of anxiety almost on a daily basis when he was in the middle of procedures.

[00:17:04] And things kind of dovetailed one way or the other.

[00:17:07] And he would ruminate and tell him, tell himself I should be better than this.

[00:17:12] And, you know, I, I should know how to deal with this, you know, after 20 years in practice.

[00:17:17] And I looked at him and I said, who the hell made up that rule?

[00:17:20] Like who the hell said that every procedure is going to go the same way?

[00:17:24] I said, how many times have you not figured out what to do?

[00:17:29] And he paused and he said once.

[00:17:32] And I said, okay.

[00:17:35] So let, so there was obviously a lot more to the conversation than that, but here are the basics.

[00:17:39] He had a limiting belief that this quote should be easier, you know, the immortal words of Gary DeWood, be careful not to should all over yourself.

[00:17:47] So he, he had these thoughts that this should be easier.

[00:17:50] I challenged him to think about, well, who made that rule up or how true is that?

[00:17:56] He then flipped his perspective to then focus on the tools that he had, the skills that he had that always got him out of there anyway.

[00:18:04] And he started to enjoy those challenges rather than have them drive anxiety.

[00:18:10] A fascinating flip or reframe as we coaches call it.

[00:18:14] It is.

[00:18:14] And I, I understand the, the, the should thing because yeah, like, I mean, there is a rule, but you get reps of doing things.

[00:18:24] Things become more commonplace things, but like there's, there's never so many reps that it's, that, that there aren't surprises.

[00:18:30] I do.

[00:18:31] I appreciate that.

[00:18:32] That's like, as a, um, I find some procedures throw more of those at you than others too.

[00:18:38] So it's, that has, that has something to do with, you know, kind of how you choose things like that.

[00:18:43] It's, it's pretty interesting though.

[00:18:44] It's a, so part of having a coach is, is that perspective and having someone else.

[00:18:48] I'm, I'm curious.

[00:18:49] So further on in the course later on, I think you talk a little bit about time, like task and time audit, you call it, but basically time management.

[00:18:57] And your point being that we all have the same 24 hours, how well are we using it?

[00:19:01] I'm curious, like beyond like identifying the time wasters, which frankly, not super hard in most people's lives.

[00:19:09] It's not hard to identify.

[00:19:11] That is how do you, how do you, how do you help people change their behavior and stick to the new schedule?

[00:19:16] Cause I got to tell you, so many people are going to struggle with that because there's reflex to go to the phone.

[00:19:21] There's reflex to go to social media.

[00:19:23] That's a hard, you got to really commit to changing that.

[00:19:26] So it's funny.

[00:19:28] You made the statement.

[00:19:30] People know what those time wasters are.

[00:19:31] I don't disagree with that statement.

[00:19:33] And I will push back and say, and do you realize how much time they're actually taking away from you?

[00:19:39] I get it.

[00:19:40] So, so in my course that I created as a hierarchy, I created some very straightforward tools to understand what your time versus task burden actually is.

[00:19:52] So I ask you to sit down and however long this takes you a couple of days, a week, two weeks, it depends on your life to, to ascertain how much time you have available in your day.

[00:20:05] And I try to, and I make this very lighthearted.

[00:20:07] I'm like, look, we'll give you an example.

[00:20:10] You know, you get up at six and you're out the door at seven 30.

[00:20:13] We're going to, we're going to, you know, I get the fact that you have to get the kids up or walk the dog, whatever, but you got 90 minutes in the morning.

[00:20:20] Fair.

[00:20:20] Great.

[00:20:21] Let's move on.

[00:20:21] Then you come home at six, you go to bed at 10.

[00:20:24] That's four hours.

[00:20:25] Great.

[00:20:25] Let's move on.

[00:20:26] So, so I walk you through, that's very simplistic descriptor, of course.

[00:20:30] No, I get it.

[00:20:31] Yeah.

[00:20:32] I walk you through how to evaluate that and then, then how to populate in what it is you're spending your time on.

[00:20:39] Once we have that in, you know, plain and simple numbers and letters, then we go on to the next step, which is engaging with the Eisenhower matrix to help you understand the, the X and Y axis of importance versus urgency.

[00:20:59] The things you need to do urgently, the things you need to schedule so they get done.

[00:21:05] And those are those little things that we keep putting off and putting off and putting off and then we go, oh crap later on.

[00:21:12] Things we need to delegate and things we need to eliminate.

[00:21:16] And so once I help you with that structure, that, that understanding, that clarity, then the next two lessons are all about how to delegate because I've noticed over times, no one's taught us how to do that.

[00:21:29] And there's very effective ways to do it.

[00:21:32] And then the lesson after that is actually taking a lot of nuance and teachings from David Allen's book, getting things done about how to navigate through your day, how to understand the difference between a to-do list and a calendar, how to understand what to do with email and, and, and all of the things that need to get done in your life.

[00:21:54] So it really helps you put a magnifying glass onto your life in ways that most people that I've interacted with, when you look at it in this totality have never done it before.

[00:22:06] Yeah.

[00:22:07] I, the, the delegation thing is funny because of you, if you own or run or even work in a dental practice,

[00:22:13] there's lots of assumptions.

[00:22:14] There's lots of assumptions.

[00:22:15] Oh yeah.

[00:22:16] Because you have a team, you, you're, you're excellent at delegating things.

[00:22:19] And I got to tell you that there's a lot more to it than just like, yeah, you're in charge.

[00:22:24] You get to delegate.

[00:22:25] I'm like, oh man.

[00:22:26] But like a lot of people feel like if you delegate, that means you're losing control of whatever it is you're delegating.

[00:22:35] So how do you, how do you help people realize that it's delegation is not about losing control?

[00:22:40] Yeah.

[00:22:41] Delegation is actually about gaining control.

[00:22:43] Well, it's actually about stepping into a position of leadership and, and even teaching and growth for the other party.

[00:22:49] And so, uh, how many times have you, you meaning anyone thought about, you know, I thought I told him to do it this way, or I would have done it that way.

[00:23:00] Well, newsflash, two different human beings are going to do things differently.

[00:23:04] Now it's incredibly important to establish standards and to, and to, and to clearly communicate what those standards are.

[00:23:12] However, how we each individually do things will differ.

[00:23:16] And we got to be okay with that.

[00:23:17] So that's why the time and task audit is so critical.

[00:23:21] We need to understand what are the things that should be on our plate and what should not.

[00:23:27] And so what I believe my framework, uh, what I believe the uniqueness of my delegation framework and teachings is this.

[00:23:37] I get the leader, the delegator to understand that this process is as much about your ability to communicate effectively as it is the individual, uh, completing the task itself.

[00:23:49] And so what I actually teach you is the verbal skills of how to set that up in the very beginning with the person you're delegating it to so that you create psychological safety.

[00:24:01] So that when you look at this person and say, so, Hey, would you do me a favor?

[00:24:05] You know, call that back to me.

[00:24:07] Let me have, let me have an understanding of what you understand.

[00:24:11] I just said, because part of the verbal skills I give goes something like this, you know, Hey, Johnny or Susie, you know, I'm really excited to delegate this to you.

[00:24:20] And this is a really important task.

[00:24:21] And I feel that you're very much up to the task.

[00:24:25] And, you know, as I was thinking about this, this process of me handing the baton to you is as much about me communicating what needs to be done as it is you actually doing it.

[00:24:34] So I want it to be okay between us that when I ask you, Hey, read that back to me or share that back to me.

[00:24:41] Or if we check in, you know, a week, two weeks, two months from now, it's as much about me making sure that I shared with you everything that needs to be done.

[00:24:49] As it is you doing it.

[00:24:50] How does that sound?

[00:24:52] Like who does that?

[00:24:53] Right.

[00:24:54] So it's, it's a very different construct.

[00:24:56] And I got to say one more thing, which is this, you know, sometimes people are like, well, you know, what if they don't do it or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[00:25:04] It's like, look, that's a different topic.

[00:25:06] And I go through that in the course as well.

[00:25:09] But the point is, is that you got to set this up properly to create that safety to have these conversations.

[00:25:17] And, and so picture this, let's say somebody doesn't do it to a standard and you have discussed their understanding and you did ascertain that they understood.

[00:25:25] Well, then you can have an even more effective conversation because you had, you had determined that everybody was on the same page and they chose or weren't able to complete that task for whatever reason.

[00:25:38] So it's, it's a pretty powerful lesson in the course.

[00:25:42] The, the idea too, it sounds funny.

[00:25:44] If you haven't tried that before the, the, the explain back to me what I just said kind of thing or, or ask it to understand.

[00:25:52] Like, I like to do this with patients when, when we have discussed, you know, now whether it's really funny because like, if I'm explaining a treatment to a patient, my team actually probably does it better than I do because, because I use too many words sometimes.

[00:26:06] But I will, I do like to ask the patient.

[00:26:09] So what do you, what do you understand that we're, we're up to?

[00:26:12] And then the classic time to do that is after they've already appointed, they've come back to do the procedure.

[00:26:17] And then that is like, I think there's no better informed consent than when you can ask the patient.

[00:26:22] So what do we do?

[00:26:22] What do you understand that we're doing today?

[00:26:24] And if they don't understand, there's a chance for you to kind of explain it.

[00:26:27] Cause most of these, a lot of patients probably don't, maybe don't understand exactly.

[00:26:32] And that's a great time to do that.

[00:26:34] They trust you enough that they, they're willing to walk into this, not understanding it completely, but, but that's not excellent informed consent.

[00:26:40] The idea that you're having this conversation and everyone feels okay to ask it is a big deal.

[00:26:46] And it's not, it isn't maybe normal.

[00:26:48] It isn't, it isn't, it isn't up to, you know, in life.

[00:26:52] A lot of times it's, you're not in situations where people feel like it's okay to do that.

[00:26:56] So, but yet once you open that up to people, it becomes interesting and you learn a lot.

[00:27:01] You learn a lot.

[00:27:02] I mean, like, like a crown seems pretty simple to someone who's done thousands of them over their lifetime.

[00:27:08] If it's the first time this person's ever had a crown done, they don't know what you're doing.

[00:27:12] They have no idea what you're doing.

[00:27:13] Even how simple it is.

[00:27:15] They don't know.

[00:27:15] And so it's, it's worth a time.

[00:27:17] It's worth the time to actually ask back what they, what they heard from you or what they understood from you or your team.

[00:27:22] I mean, that, so that goes well with the delegation thing because you may not have, you may understand exactly what you're telling them, but they're not getting it because the words aren't coming through.

[00:27:32] That's a really good point.

[00:27:33] Yeah.

[00:27:34] Yeah.

[00:27:34] That's, it's, it's a communication thing that it, it's funny because there's times where it feels a little condescending to me, but it doesn't have to.

[00:27:43] And typically once you deliver that, they understand, oh, okay.

[00:27:46] So this is, he wants to make sure I understand that's actually not condescending, but maybe, so you need to make sure you kind of like, make it safe.

[00:27:54] Like you said, make it safe for them.

[00:27:55] So they don't feel like they're being condescended to.

[00:27:57] Yeah.

[00:27:57] I love, I love that you brought that up because, you know, it's funny.

[00:28:02] I was just in Northern Indiana last week and my good friend, Jay Platt is an oral surgeon.

[00:28:06] And so we had about a hundred people there and we were talking about communication skills.

[00:28:11] And one of the things that we talked about within the group is I said to them, I said, true or false.

[00:28:17] When someone is actually speaking to you with sincerity, you can pick up on that.

[00:28:20] Right.

[00:28:20] And everyone's like, oh yeah.

[00:28:21] Right.

[00:28:22] And so, but timing is also critical.

[00:28:24] So I'm so glad you brought that up.

[00:28:26] So if you can combine sincerity with timing and when you're talking to this person in the beginning about delegation, because think of it this way too.

[00:28:36] There's a reason why you pick this person to do this task because you think they're capable.

[00:28:42] So in the beginning, tell them that like, Hey, listen, I'm really excited to share this with you because I know you're going to do a great job at this because I've seen you do X, Y, Z.

[00:28:52] So, you know, that's why I picked you.

[00:28:54] And so I'm excited to talk about this and Hey, you know what?

[00:28:57] And then you continue on about this is as much about me communicating as you doing it and people will, you know, really connect with that.

[00:29:06] And will there be some that don't?

[00:29:09] Absolutely.

[00:29:09] But I don't know about you.

[00:29:10] I'm not going to live my life for the exceptions.

[00:29:12] I'm going to live my life for the majority.

[00:29:15] No, I mean, that's fair too.

[00:29:17] That's fair too.

[00:29:18] So, you know, you're talking about navigating difficult conversations.

[00:29:22] That's one of the parts of the course too.

[00:29:24] I mean, there's, there's books that have been written on this and there's, there's all kinds of stuff.

[00:29:28] So, I mean, and what's interesting is I think a lot of times the difficult, some people think of patients with that.

[00:29:36] I think difficult conversations are, are sometimes with team more than others because there's been a lot of assumptions made or whatever.

[00:29:43] So what, what's the most common mistake or what, what do you see most often that, that, what, that leaders have with a difficult conversations with a team member?

[00:29:54] I mean, I'm, I'm thinking the dental team, but I guess it doesn't, it's not specific to that.

[00:29:58] I think it's not starting the conversations with the facts that precipitated the conversation.

[00:30:07] So I'm a big student of the book, crucial conversations and their framework always starts out with facts and then has a statement of contrasting to make the conversation safe.

[00:30:21] And I'm, I got to tell you, you know, their, their book, first of all, was based on research.

[00:30:25] I think about a hundred thousand leaders.

[00:30:27] It's pretty extensive.

[00:30:29] And so what I, what I think gets in our way is we, we combine the emotion and the facts rather than separating them at the outset.

[00:30:41] Yeah, totally.

[00:30:42] Because the, the re and, and this even goes along with my team framework.

[00:30:46] The fact that your employee came in late three out of the last six days is technically just a neutral fact.

[00:30:52] It is what it is.

[00:30:54] It's your thought about that.

[00:30:56] That's giving it power.

[00:30:57] That's driving the emotion.

[00:30:58] It's they're taking advantage of me.

[00:31:00] They don't understand how hard I work.

[00:31:01] They keep messing up my day.

[00:31:03] It's the thought that's driving the emotion.

[00:31:05] Yep.

[00:31:06] So if we can extract that and go, Hey, listen, you know, so, and so I want to talk to you about something, you know, three out of the last six working days, you showed up at least 20 minutes late.

[00:31:15] I don't want you to think that we don't value you and love working with you, but I do want you to understand this is a problem.

[00:31:23] If you start that way, you're going to have a heck of a lot better chance of getting to the root cause versus starting with the sharing of the emotional interpretation of the factual situation.

[00:31:39] You know, I'm so mad.

[00:31:41] I'll say this, Martin, the hard part is like in the, in the heat of the moment when you're, when you're, the emotions are what's in your face and it's hard sometimes to get past the emotions.

[00:31:52] How do you suggest people like, cause they're true.

[00:31:55] They're like, like the emotions are, they're very real and they happen.

[00:31:57] So then, and that's, that's one of my struggles with these kinds of conversations because the emotions are kind of in the front and I, and how do you, how do you tell someone you're working with to say, okay, I mean, cause it's not that you, you don't, you know, you can validate the emotions, but.

[00:32:12] Yeah.

[00:32:12] But that oftentimes isn't helpful for moving past the, into the conversation.

[00:32:17] Yes.

[00:32:17] I am so glad you brought this up because this is one of my core beliefs and I can answer it in one word and then I'll explain.

[00:32:23] The one word is neuroplasticity.

[00:32:26] What you're describing is looking and searching to, to master a new skill.

[00:32:35] And so this, this, this is really why I have clients because we, we, so, so I'll turn this around by asking a question to the listeners.

[00:32:47] Um, how long did it take you to prep your first crown and how long does it take you now?

[00:32:54] Yeah.

[00:32:54] It's a skill, ladies and gentlemen.

[00:32:57] And so what we do, particularly us as dentists and dental professionals, we give grace, patience,

[00:33:04] and credence to skills of the fingers.

[00:33:07] And we don't give the same patience to skills of the mind.

[00:33:12] This is a skill.

[00:33:13] And research shows when you start to deploy skills repetitively, you will end up being able to go to the factual place when you feel your emotions starting to bubble up.

[00:33:30] Mm-hmm.

[00:33:31] So, you know, going back to your, your question and your challenge, it's, well, you know, Martin's are the, Martin, the first thing that comes up is the emotion.

[00:33:39] Well, where's your emotion bubble up for you?

[00:33:42] Is it in your gut, in your chest?

[00:33:44] I had a client once that told me his eyes would itch when he would get, um, flustered.

[00:33:53] Mm-hmm.

[00:33:54] Okay.

[00:33:55] I'm getting PO'd about this.

[00:33:57] You know, I want to handle this right.

[00:33:58] Okay.

[00:33:59] What are the facts?

[00:34:00] And then you're off to the races.

[00:34:02] Does it take time?

[00:34:03] Absolutely.

[00:34:04] Is it simple?

[00:34:05] Yes.

[00:34:06] Is it easy?

[00:34:06] No.

[00:34:07] Mm-hmm.

[00:34:08] It takes time and commitment just like increasing efficiency and prepping a crown.

[00:34:12] It's the same thing.

[00:34:15] It's just using a different part of your body.

[00:34:18] It's using your brain and your lips versus your brain and your hands.

[00:34:21] That's it.

[00:34:22] You remember in dental school when you, when the first time you prepped a crown too, they, uh, they evaluated you like you should be a dentist for, you know, you've been a dentist for sure.

[00:34:31] Here's the thing.

[00:34:32] You don't have, you don't have to treat yourself so poorly.

[00:34:35] Nope.

[00:34:35] You don't have any skills.

[00:34:36] You can have a little grace with yourself.

[00:34:39] Cause I, and you know what?

[00:34:40] Uh, I still am sore about dental school for a lot of those reasons.

[00:34:44] And I always come back to the fact that why would they expect that you're good at this?

[00:34:48] The first time you do it, like, like, it's so funny.

[00:34:51] It's like, I didn't grow up.

[00:34:52] I mean, my dad was a dentist, but I grew up mowing his lawn.

[00:34:55] I didn't grow up looking over his shoulder.

[00:34:57] Why the hell would anyone know what they're doing in there?

[00:34:59] And this, these kinds of skills that you're, you're trying to improve about, it's kind of the same thing.

[00:35:03] Like, like there isn't any reason that, like most people walk around in the world just with emotions and, and spouting off from their emotions, not looking at the facts.

[00:35:14] And honestly, uh, that's a huge thing.

[00:35:17] It's funny that you say it that way.

[00:35:18] Cause I hadn't thought of it that way.

[00:35:19] This is exactly right.

[00:35:20] I mean, like have grace, have grace on yourself and others because it's not, it's a skill that you have to put some time into.

[00:35:26] It's not going to come right away.

[00:35:27] Just like the stuff in dental school didn't come right away.

[00:35:30] And for those who did have skills in dental school right away, well, God bless you.

[00:35:34] But I was not like that.

[00:35:36] I was not like that.

[00:35:37] So that's just real life for a lot of us out there.

[00:35:39] So, all right.

[00:35:41] This is fantastic.

[00:35:42] First off, I guess what's the easiest way if they're in there, I suspect there will be people like, okay, this, this course may have some interest for me.

[00:35:49] And like, like you said, the first lesson, the first part of it is free.

[00:35:53] So you can go and check it out, see what it's like, which is always a good way to do these things.

[00:35:56] Cause you're like, I don't know that I want to, I mean, try before you buy is a big deal.

[00:36:01] It's there's not enough of it in dentistry to be perfectly honest.

[00:36:04] This is really nice.

[00:36:05] What's the best way for them to go check it out?

[00:36:07] So the best way, uh, we're going to, I'm going to give you a link that goes to all of my links.

[00:36:13] Um, so I think I'm going to, I'm going to leave it that way because right now I'm, I'm kind of working to conjoin.

[00:36:19] Website versus course website.

[00:36:21] I get it.

[00:36:21] Um, so what I would say is the best way is just the link that's associated with this, uh, episode, because that'll give you entree into my website, my course website, my pre-order list from my book, LinkedIn, Instagram.

[00:36:35] It'll give you, it'll give you access to everything.

[00:36:37] Okay.

[00:36:37] Okay.

[00:36:37] And I, I will put all the, I'll put all these links in the show notes.

[00:36:40] So all you got to do, if you're listening on a phone and, and, you know, just go to the episode, uh, in your software and there'll be links.

[00:36:47] So it's easy enough to do for Martin.

[00:36:48] So the last thing I want to talk about is just the fact that you, you are working on releasing a book.

[00:36:55] You've got it, you've got a book that you've written and you're in.

[00:36:57] And so what's interesting is that, okay.

[00:36:59] A lot of dentists, a lot of people in dentistry that are, that have books, they'll do the self-publishing thing because it's easy.

[00:37:06] But, but distribution of self-publishing takes a lot and you probably don't.

[00:37:10] So Martin's got a book he's got, he's been working on a book and he's trying to get it.

[00:37:15] He's doing it a little differently.

[00:37:17] So I'm curious, tell, tell me how, tell me about the book a little bit and then tell me how you came to decide you're going to do it this way.

[00:37:24] Yeah.

[00:37:24] So the book is, uh, the, the draft title is move with an exclamation point.

[00:37:29] Um, and it's basically four simple steps to transform your life and it four simple steps, AKA team.

[00:37:37] And, um, the, it, it really is a discussion of the team framework.

[00:37:45] It's a discussion of my life.

[00:37:47] And it's a discussion of all these unbelievably incredible people that I've somehow been able to meet throughout my life that are friends and extraordinary people.

[00:38:00] Like my friend, Sean, that climbed Mount Everest with one lung.

[00:38:03] My friend, Kimberly Locke, who was third runner up to Clay Aiken and Ruben Studdard on American Idol.

[00:38:08] Like my friend, James Gish, who was Fierro and Wicked on Broadway.

[00:38:12] Like my friend, Mark Maluski, who I went to high school with, who's a college professor who also climbed Everest.

[00:38:18] And the list goes on and on and on.

[00:38:22] And I'm just so humbled to be able to take their stories and some stories of other notable individuals and really teach how to get out of your own way and how to move from where you are to where you want to be.

[00:38:38] And so, so that, and, and every chapter has at least one or two exercises.

[00:38:43] Actually, I think every chapter has two.

[00:38:45] And, um, it's something that I'm incredibly proud of.

[00:38:49] And it's taken well over a year to, to put it together into its first draft form.

[00:38:54] Okay, cool.

[00:38:55] Nice.

[00:38:56] So you're, you're, you're trying, you have an agent.

[00:38:59] That's what you told me about.

[00:39:00] I was like, okay, that's really interesting.

[00:39:02] Tell me about, tell me about what I, I've always heard, you know, you, I brought the draft to my agent.

[00:39:07] What did you even work?

[00:39:09] What do you, what, what's the, what's your expectation?

[00:39:11] So like many things in my life, it ended up being a journey that I kind of half stumbled upon.

[00:39:16] So I started working with a group, a company that I know several dentists and dental consultants have worked with as well.

[00:39:23] They're called brand builders group.

[00:39:25] Okay.

[00:39:25] And, uh, it was started by Rory and AJ Vaden.

[00:39:29] Rory is a bestselling author and a million dollar speaker, very involved in the national speakers association.

[00:39:34] And I got involved with them because I really wanted to take a step back.

[00:39:38] And, you know, their first module in, in their teachings is brand DNA.

[00:39:42] Like, who are you?

[00:39:44] Can you explain to somebody in one word, what your one word problem is that you solve and your one word solution?

[00:39:50] Right.

[00:39:50] So mine is fear and the solution is courage.

[00:39:54] Sound familiar?

[00:39:55] So, um, I was working with them and, and one thing led to another and they have certain partner companies that they, they work with slash recommend.

[00:40:04] One of which is a company called story builders.

[00:40:07] Okay.

[00:40:07] And story builders is an extraordinary company of writers that work with you, that they take my ideas, my frameworks, my stories, my friends' stories, and they put it together in a way that I never would have.

[00:40:25] And so this book is 100% me, but with expertise of professional writers.

[00:40:33] So it's a great metaphor for dental practice in terms of engaging HR professionals, financial professionals, you know, scheduling professionals, et cetera.

[00:40:43] So, um, also due to story builders, they, they made an offhanded comment one day.

[00:40:50] Would you like us to introduce you to Rory's agent, Nina, Nina Oshman.

[00:40:54] And I was said, sure, why not?

[00:40:57] Yeah.

[00:40:58] And, and literally that's how it happens.

[00:41:00] So it's being in the right place at the right time, but also being open-minded enough and frankly willing to take risks because writers are not free.

[00:41:09] Agents are not free yet.

[00:41:11] I've chosen to make an investment on myself to get this book out into the world in the best way that I can.

[00:41:19] So that in its form, final form, it will be able to communicate my concepts in the best way possible to help other people.

[00:41:29] And, and so that's why I've chosen to engage and go this way.

[00:41:32] Interesting.

[00:41:33] It's interesting.

[00:41:33] So, and I guess what we can do is, is, as, as that, maybe we'll talk again as, as the book, you know, becomes more as a final form kind of thing.

[00:41:42] It'd be interesting.

[00:41:43] No, that'd be great.

[00:41:44] All right, folks.

[00:41:45] So, uh, if you have any interest, Martin is in the Facebook group.

[00:41:48] So if we have any questions or comments, he's, he's there and he's willing to, honestly, one of the nice things about Martin, he's willing to engage there too.

[00:41:54] There's a lot of, a lot of speakers that are there and they don't, I have to drag him out.

[00:41:58] Martin's always been there kind of to answer questions.

[00:42:01] If you have any questions or comments in the Facebook group, uh, he'll be there and we'll put links up for the, for the, to get you trying that first module of the course if you're interested.

[00:42:11] And that's a, like I said, I think that's a really cool way to do it.

[00:42:13] And man, this was great, Martin.

[00:42:14] It's always nice to talk to you.

[00:42:15] So, uh, thank you very much for your time.

[00:42:17] Thank you as well.

[00:42:18] It's always a pleasure.

[00:42:19] Thanks.